Strange Nature | Flying, Red-Nosed Reindeer
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:
"Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen,
"On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem;
"To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
"Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
Yeah, I did say “Dunder and Blixem”. Those were the names of who we now know as Donner and Blitzen when this poem was first published, anonymously, in the Troy Sentinel on December 23rd, 1823. Dunder and Blixem, in colloquial New York Dutch, translates to Thunder and Lightning. The fact that we don’t really know who wrote the poem - whether it was Clement C Moore, Henry Livingston Jr., or some other unknown poet - doesn’t change the fact that this Christmas season you’ll almost certainly hear all about the miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer.
And of course, we all know there was a 9th. The most famous reindeer of all. Child of Donner - or Dunder - Rudolph came along 116 years later, a red-nosed underdog who ultimately gets the honor of guiding Santa's sleigh. This time we know who wrote it - Robert L. May - a Montgomery Ward catalog writer whose bosses didn’t think the story all that great - giving him back the rights to it and opening up the door for the song, made popular by Gene Autry, the classic stop-motion film, and a timeless story that continues to entertain children and adults alike.
But here’s the thing. Some of the more benign details just don’t add up. But some of the more fanciful ideas - flying reindeer and red noses - well, those just might be true.
So, reindeer or caribou - is there a difference? Some experts say yes, some say no. Location - North America vs. Europe or Asia is sometimes cited as a differentiator, with slight location-specific genetics being chalked up to Climate Change adaptations. Still, the scientific name for both remains the same. Many people make the distinction that reindeer are the semi-domesticated version of caribou. Humans began to domesticate them around 2000 years ago in Eurasia, where, kept warm by their hollow fur, they did indeed pull sleighs across the frozen tundra.
While both reindeer and caribou are a type of deer - that image in your head of a cute spotted baby reindeer that is all wobbly like Bambi doesn’t quite hold up. Unlike other deer, newborn reindeer are spotless and can run nearly 30 mph within 90 minutes of birth. A few hours later, they can hit 50 mph, and keep up with the herd for 30 miles a day. Maybe young Rudolph was ready to guide that sleigh sooner than we gave him credit for.
But Rudolph would still have been relatively small. By the time they are 1 year old, they can weigh 165 lbs, but by adulthood can reach a whopping 550 lbs. Which makes me question one song in particular, Up On The Housetop.
With over 4500 lbs of reindeer on the roof, not to mention Santa and a sleigh full of gifts, I suspect it would be more like Thud Thud Thud. But not so fast.
See, reindeer have tendons that slide over their foot bones as they walk, producing a loud click. The larger the animal, the louder the click. Experts have speculated that this click might enforce the social hierarchy or attract mates, but it’s been hypothesized that the clicks allow herds to hear each other and stick together in rough and foggy weather - exactly the kind that got rudolph and his red nose the job.
Wait - HIS red nose? Are we sure about that? Reindeer pulling the sleigh are nearly always depicted with antlers - and while in most deer species it’s the male who grow the big racks - in this case both male and female animals have antlers. And the males drop their antlers first, in late fall or early winter. So on Christmas, all of those antlered reindeer are female. Including Dunder and Blixem - Thunder and Lightning.
While the original sketches show an antlerless Rudolph guiding a team of antlered reindeer - it’s the stop-motion film that is official cannon - and that clearly shows antlers. Rudolph is female. Daughter of Thunder.
Rudolph thought her red nose made her a misfit, but science has proven how valuable that nose actually is. And it may not be entirely fictional. When looked at through a thermal camera (something Robert May certainly did back in 1939) you’ll see that Reindeer noses are indeed bright red. This is because of a brilliant adaptation of tightly packed blood vessels that allow the reindeer nose to warm the arctic air on the way in and cool it on the way out - retaining their heat and saving them energy. We humans exhale a puff of warm air, which condenses and turns to visible steam, and is incredibly inefficient for keeping us warm. You’ll never see a reindeer breathe steam into the cold air.
In 2011, researchers at University College London discovered something that makes the idea of a glowing red nose even more important for that foggy Christmas Eve. Reindeer are the only mammals who can see ultraviolet light. They also have a reflective tissue in their eyes that is golden in the summer months and turns deep blue in the winter, helping them see plants and predators in the snowy winter tundra - when the days are dim and purplish. But this is bad news for fog, where purples and blues are nearly invisible. The color of light that travels best in fog? You guessed it. Red.
But what about the flying? Where did that come from?
There are many theories. The most prevalent involves a mushroom. A magic mushroom. Magic as in hallucinogenic.
Amanita muscaria is a red mushroom with white spots that grows beneath the boughs of pine trees - much like our christmas morning gifts - that were regularly consumed by reindeer in Siberia. And the local Shaman’s, they would dry out these mushrooms and give them as gifts on the winter solstice. Reindeer milk may have contained some of these hallucinogens as well. So the shamans, the reindeer, and the people - some of them double dosing on gifts and reindeer milk - might have been on a hallucinogenic trip.
Flying reindeer.
But like all theories, this is disputed by some researchers.
And I have my own theory. My wife has spent time in Mongolia with the Tsataan people - the last reindeer herders who live in a remote subarctic region on the Mongolia/Russia border. The Tsataan - also known as the Dukha - are a nomadic people who are being forced into higher and higher elevations by climate change. It’s getting too warm at lower elevations for the lichen their reindeer depend on. And they depend on these reindeer. For milk, food, clothing - and for transportation. The Tsataan are the only people in the world who ride reindeer.
When my wife’s stay was ending, they took her from their camp the only way they knew - by reindeer.
Her comment to me when she first told me this story - it’s not at all like riding a horse. The rider barely moves while on a reindeer - it felt like I was flying.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
